Okay, so I've realized that...

I don't blog very often. I'm not sure if anyone reads this blog or follows it. But, the truth is that no one has a reason to because I don't post enough for it to be interesting. So, I'm considering picking some type of theme for my blog so that I will write more consistently. I'm considering this, to be specific: how to find happiness. I mean, real happiness. I feel like people are just surviving, living through each day, without making an attempt to find and hold on to what makes them really happy. I've been mulling over this for awhile, and I think I've come to a suitable solution. What I need to do is focus on the small moments of happiness throughout my days. I need to take note of them, internalize that feeling, and work till my entire day is full of those moments. So, I thought I would use the blog to keep track of those small moments. But, I have to start with yesterday. Actually, I have to start with a confession.

Confession: I've started drinking coffee again. Okay, I know. The point of this blog initially was to chronicle my story about ditching the caffeine habit (hence the obvious name of this blog). And, I was successfully off caffeine for about six months. Then, me and the BF (who also gave up caffeine) started making a pot of coffee on the weekend or going to the 'Bucks during our Saturday errands. And, while I must admit that I'm drinking coffee again, I'm proud to confess that I'm not a daily drinker by any means. I usually have coffee two mornings of the week as a reward for meeting other goals I've set for myself. I'm not back on the "addict list" but I have become an "occasional user". Plus, this won't be helpful for others out there trying to kick the coffee habit, but now I get more of a buzz out of that random cup of coffee then I ever did from the lattes and americanos of my daily-drinker days. And that, my friends, is nice.

Okay, confession having been confessed, let me carry on with my story: yesterday's moment of happiness. Allow me to set the scene. Thursday. Last day of class before spring break. Warmish but overcast weather (which means courdory jacket with a hoodie underneath). I got out of class an hour early because my professor was more interested in spring break arriving then the rest of us. So, with some time and my bags packed, I headed to the train station to catch the train to D.C. Once on the train, I was listening to my IPod, drinking a cup of dunkin' donuts coffee (hence the need for the confession), and reading The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test. And sitting there, coffee in one hand, book in the other, glancing around at the other riders and the scenery (not all that beautiful) out the window, I was filled with a quiet moment of happiness. Real happiness. The persistent thought that this is what I wanted and this where I wanted to be and this is what I wanted to do came over me. It was nice. And needed. And a more than pleasant moment.

So, that was a happy moment for me. One I've felt a hundred times and one I know I can go to whenever I need an emotional boost. It's reliable: quiet place, people watching, coffee, book, music.

I've realized while writing this that my "moments of happiness" will ultimately culminate in one thing. I'm happiest when I'm reading or writing. Always have been, always will be. This is what, I think, I really need to be focusing on. But, till I can make reading and writing the center of my life, I will still seek new and interesting moments to find true happiness.

I will keep you posted.